Choices we make
by St.Alya
Summary: What was Erebor but his uncle's obsession? Fili has a treasure that's worth more than a birthright.


**Well, first of all, I want to thank everyone that has favorite my other two fics. The reviews were lovely! And I'm sorry for the bad English….**

**Please enjoy this one!**

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Choices we make

Fili knew his brother as he knew himself. Probably better than he knew himself. That knowledge came from watching Kili during their entire lives, first as an older brother's duty, then like his favorite activity.

As of recent years, that had become almost a necessity. He always needed to know where the other was. His eyes would stay trained on his brother, capturing everything he did or happened to him. More than once during their journeys it had caused him some problems, seeing that he often would forget about his own safety while tracking down all harm that came Kili's way. His resulting wounds and bruises had been the topic of a few arguments between them, but Fili would still act the same every time.

One might say Kili was a child still. Childish, perhaps, if you were comparing him with their older and more seasoned companions. However, Fili knew that was not true. His brother was smart, strong, resourceful and very well grown up, he just chose to have what fun he could get from his life. Most of the times Fili thought he could not blame him. Being a homeless heir of Durin, going on a suicide mission left very little room for smiles. He was very glad Kili didn't mind being considered a child and kept on smiling – it was one of the things Fili enjoyed the most to watch his brother doing.

Most of his observations, though, were carried out when Kili was either interacting with others or simply too lost in his own thoughts to notice anything. Fili knew by heart all of the gestures that indicated all of his brother's moods and feelings when speaking with someone else. If he closed his eyes he could easily picture Kili making fun of the Halfling, or trying to impress their uncle, or simply doing his own share of observations on their fellow dwarves.

It was during one of those moments that Fili found himself in on that particular night. The company was resting before the descent towards the woods and Kili, as if inspired by the eagles, watched the others with sharp eyes. Following his line of sight, he caught the scene of Thorin and the hobbit talking lightly near the fire. The crease that formed on his brother's forehead made him curious, not being able to interpret what that particular motion meant.

Kili was no fool. Surely he saw what was starting to develop between their uncle and the Halfling. What did he think of it, though?

"Do you think the others have noticed it as well?" he asked, not bothering to elaborate. He knew Kili would understand what he meant, he always did.

His brother shouldered, lowering his eyes to the ground and waiting a complaining Bombur to pass before speaking up. Really, Fili had no idea why people thought Kili was careless – if any of them knew how many carefully hidden conversations they had…

"Some of them know him longer than even we do, and some of them love him on the same measure we do." He answered "Balin, Dwalin, Gloin and Oin have shared childhood with him. I'd be surprised if they didn't notice it."

Fili pondered about both pairs of brothers for a moment, imagining what their childhoods must have been like and how that had affected their relationship and ended up comparing with his own relationship with Kili. None of them had to keep an eye on their younger brother so he would not get lost through the wild, far away from a stolen home. But then again, they had faced different, probably more terrifying, hardships together. Their age was somewhat mismatched, so each of them must have a different view of Thorin as well as Thorin had specific ways of caring for each of them. Fili doubted, however, that any of the bonds that existed between the five cousins and two pairs of brothers was remotely similar to what he had with Kili. An uncomfortable thought warned him that the stares he exchanged with Kili were closer to the ones his uncle was exchanging with the hobbit right now.

"If they have, then they don't seem to mind." He said at last, trying his best to escape the line of thinking that was invading his mind. After so long keeping a watchful eye upon the one he cared for most in the world, how could Fili be so blind?

"You don't seem to mind either." Kili suddenly turned to look at him with an analytic gaze in his eyes.

Fili shivered for a second under his stare. Sometimes he forgot that his brother too had the practice of watching him and knew him better than their mother. He guessed that it had started when they were children and Kili, afraid to get lost, always kept an eye on his location, than it evolved into the comfortable habit that had been keeping them close and safe. For the moment he could only hope that his brother had not gotten to the same realization he had. Fili needed some time to digest it.

"Well, I don't. Uncle deserves some relief from his burden, if he finds it in the Halfling… then so be it." He answered quietly so they wouldn't be heard above a sputter of laughter that erupted between Bifur and Bofur, sitting upon a few rocks ahead of them "Besides, it is not like this type of… engagement… doesn't happen in our company."

For a moment Kili's eyes drifted to Dori and Ori talking quietly on a far corner, below a single tree on the path down. He nodded when their eyes met again. Once more their compatibility was proven and Fili discovered a slight anxiety about his brother's conclusions on Thorin and Bilbo's relationship. What did that crease had meant? Did Kili notice that the way his uncle was looking at the distracted hobbit – now speaking with Bofur – was incredibly similar with the way Fili looked at him when he wasn't looking?

"You don't seem to mind that either." Kili spoke, looking directly into his eyes, meaning many things at once with 'that'. 'That' was not only the fact that Dori and Ori were brothers – because, really, they didn't have what existed between Fili and Kili and they both knew that – but also the fact that Kili was now sitting much closer than he had at the beginning of their conversation and their breaths were nearly mingling together in the night air.

Fili took a moment to do his favorite thing: to observe Kili. When they were close like this he could see every little detail on his handsome face and remember thousands of moments each of those were related to. When their faces were inches apart like this and his brother was literally all he could see, it was like the world was taking out all the unnecessary distracting things from his way, for even when they were meters apart Kili still was all he could see.

The curious and slightly challenging glow in his brother's eyes made Fili somewhat nervous. He felt like that was one of those deciding moments in their shared life, like the time he got worried sick when a small Kili had gotten lost in the woods and he vowed never to take his eyes out of his brother ever again, or the time he was wounded in the process of staying in the way of a spear directed to his brother's heart and had awaken on the day before to a furious Kili yelling that he would never allow Fili to sacrifice himself for him ever again.

"I don't." He heard himself whisper, choosing to face bravely whatever conclusion Kili got out of their conversation. His brother was bound to find out sooner or later, perhaps it was for the best that it would be sooner rather than later, only Aulë knew what would come out of their quest to take back Erebor.

On the moment that Kili opened his mouth to voice his thoughts, however, the grave voice of Dwalin reached them from behind the fire.

"Fili, you'll get first watch. Kili is next."

Startled by the broken moment, both brothers raised their heads to find Thorin, Oin, Gloin, Balin and Dwalin looking at them from the fire. They had been so engrossed in their own little bubble that they hadn't even noticed the camp moving around them to prepare to sleep. Fili was slightly suspicious of what he saw on his kin faces, but stood to obey nonetheless. At least he would get some time to recover the breath he hadn't realized he was holding.

Much later, when Fili's watch was not even halfway through yet, he sat quietly taking in the mass of sleeping bodies in front of him. He had nested himself atop Dori and Nori abandoned lone tree, smoking his pipe quietly through the night, his mind filled with wonder at what would come out of his next conversation with Kili.

Would his brother cower before the truth that had appeared that day, ignoring it? Or, even worse, would Kili despise him for it? That was certainly the worst that could happen and fear was starting to grow in his heart. Fili knew no life without his brother, he couldn't possibly imagine what would be like if Kili decided to break the bond between them.

Other kinds of thoughts entertained their way up his head as well, since the realization of the nature of his feelings towards Kili was new even to him. Some things that he had observed in the past but not paid much attention to it before, like the way his brother's hair was surprisingly soft and how warm his skin felt to the touch. Some things that he had thought about in the past but had buried deep in the back of his mind came back to him, and Fili shuddered for more than one reason in the night. A fire of different kind than the one that was warming his companions was lit inside him.

Still, Fili was not in the least surprised when he heard familiar noises coming up the tree. Only Kili had that particular pattern of climbing branches. His brother's sounds were as familiar as the sight of him.

"Might as well share watch with you, since mine is next."

His voice was somber in the dark, sending shivers through Fili's body, making him sure that Durin's bones were shaking beneath some mountain because of how wrong that was. He was supposed to nod his thanks and assure his brother that we would share the next shift as well, because they were always helping each other. He was _not_ supposed to wish his brother to sit as close as possible to him so Fili could feel his scent.

Kili was not supposed to do that either, but when they were touching from shoulder to knee, Fili took some comfort in the fact that he was not alone in that mess. Never alone. For the last seventy-seven years, he had had a brother to share problems and laughs with. If they were about to start sharing something else now… well… he was only slightly ashamed that he was glad. If he was not imagining things – imagining the shy glances that Kili was giving him – and his brother truly wanted it, then it could not be as wrong as it seemed.

"I must admit… I am slightly afraid." Kili says at last with a sigh.

"Of me?" Had he been imagining things wrong, then? Kili was here simply to sort things out even though he was afraid?

"No. No!" the younger said, shifting to straddle the branch and look straight to Fili "Never of you, my brother. Nor of… of _this_."

"Then—"

"I fear for you… You are the heir."

Fili felt warmth creeping inside him, his heart beating stronger at Kili's worry. It was so like his brother, always afraid that he is being a nuisance to him. Fili had lost count of how many times he had comforted him, assuring that Kili was never a hindrance in his life, but quite the contrary. If anything, Kili's presence made him do everything better. Only now Fili understood why.

This time, however, they were not talking about being late for work or losing sword practice with the older dwarves. This time they are adults and the weight of being nephews of Thorin Oakenshield was finally heavy. Kili was not simply feeling bad about being in Fili's way. It was about the choice he was about to make, the life-altering choice he was about to make.

Because this was it, wasn't it? This was what he had heard their mother talking about long ago, telling them to be careful because dwarves loved only once in their lives. At the time Fili had supposed that they had to be careful of not noticing the one person who was out there for them, although now he was suspicious of her occasional knowing smile. Either way, if he allowed himself to feel that love now… there was no way he would be able to get married and give sons to the kingdom. Thorin would never forgive him.

But then… what kingdom was that, anyway? What was Erebor but his uncle's obssession?

Fili turned to face his brother. He noticed all the features he knew so well, having grown up with them, seeing Kili grow. And there, looking at Kili with the fire below barely reaching them, his brown eyes being the main source of light, he knew. The thought of getting himself a dwarf woman to breed was not pleasant, but not despairing either, it was a duty like any other. The thought of Kili doing that, however, was the worst future that he had ever imagined. Fili was not so bad at sharing, except when it came to his brother – he barely contained himself when other dwarves offered to braid Kili's hair, he was afraid to think what he would do if someone actually proposed marriage.

No, Kili was _his_. Fili was ready to give all the gold in Erebor to have him forever. Reclaiming the mountain or not, his brother was the treasure that he wanted. Birthright be damned.

Breathing in his decision, Fili caught his brother's hand in his.

"Come." He said, standing carefully and leading him to a place in the tree where all branches parted and there was a sort of nest big enough for both of them. There is no light there but it didn't matter, Fili always knew the way to his brother.

Slowly, he raised his hand to rest on Kili's neck, bringing him closer.

"If you are willing to do this with me, this is my choice."

"But—"

"I don't care for being king. Thorin can find a woman himself or give the throne to one of our cousins or bear with an heir that is in love with his younger brother, I don't care. Durin has many heirs. That's his problem, not ours."

He felt his brother shiver in the dark. And come closer. Soon there was a pair of hands in his hair, a breath mingling with his own as a forehead was pressed to his. Slowly, very slowly, Kili came even closer, pressing their bodies together and they both sighed in complete synch because this was _home_. It was warmth and shared laughter and complete trust and a mutual decision to face whatever comes and _finally_, finally they were feeling complete. Fili wound up his arm around his brother's waist and had mad, raving thoughts of never breaking this touch.

They stood like that for a while. There wasn't the typical exchange of glance they exchanged to communicate what they needed, like it was common practice between them, but it was not the first time Fili embraced his brother in the dark. It was not surprising that even though what they were about to do was a new kind of intimacy between them, he knew what Kili wanted. It was what he wanted, after all.

The first kiss was hesitant, shy, chaste. Fili moved his lips carefully over Kili's, treasuring this moment. A shy tongue – he is not sure whose because he is too filled with his brother's presence that he is not sure where are the limits between them – asks for entrance and lips part so they can sink against each other. Passion wormed its way then, suddenly giving way for gripping and pulling and roaming and Fili's mouth finds the way to an exposed neck.

They take their time in recognizing each other's bodies, removing clothes and placing hot kisses upon heated skin, completely forgotten of the watch they should be keeping upon their friends. Kili, he decides, is the best things that he has ever tasted. Fili thinks he is going to need this every day for the rest of his life.

When Fili presses his brother – his lover – down against the tree, claiming him as his own, he knows he had made the right decision. When Kili pulls his head down in the midst of their passion and bites his neck, Fili accepts this mark gladly, he supposes it is only fair, for they belong to each other now. They have chosen heart's choice over duty, they might as well do it completely.

Much later, they end up not waking Nori to take watch. Waking the others meant having to go to sleep as if nothing had happened. Fili needed that moment to last longer, needed that night to belong to them alone.

He hugged his brother to his chest, watching him close, feeling his calm breathing. Kili was stroking light patterns on his arms.

"Fili?"

"Hm?"

"I'm sorry it took so long. We could have died and never had the chance to-"

Fili laughed lightly and hugged him closer. "Stop that brother. We have shared a life together, this is… a deepening of the bond that always existed. And if we should die tomorrow, at least we will have had this."

"And we'll fall together." Kili added.

"Aye. Always."

"Fili?"

"Yes, brother?" he smiled, holding a chuckle inside. This was just like Kili.

"I hope uncle sorts it out with Mr. Baggins. Then maybe he can understand us someday."

"Me too, Kili. Me too."

He did, he really did. But Fili was calm now. Kili was his and there was no King Under the Mountain that could change that now.

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**And here is another one!**

**I don't really think there is any sparkle between Dori and Ori, but I needed something the brothers could compare themselves to at some level.**

**I was thinking about writing a sequel for Thorin and Bilbo. What do you think?**

**Thank you for reading!**


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